AHHH!

Life... I don't even know where to start... I guess the beginning is as good of a place as any...

So... to start off- my grandad is really sick. He has cancer. For the past 2 weeks we haven't know ANYTHING. None of the freaking doctors can figure out anything, and it seems like he just continues to get worse. I saw him this weekend, and my heart literally broke into a million pieces seeing him like that. I can't believe that the strongest man in my life is laying there.. helpless, and seemingly hopeless. For the past 2 weeks my heart has been breaking each day as I think of him just lying there. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if he died. That man has been my lifeline for 19 years. I can't deal with it if he were to pass. Man....

On top of all of that my boyfriend and I broke up. I seriously thought I was in love with him, and I thought we were going to get married and live a happy life together. Boy was I wrong about that one. I know I did the right thing by breaking up with him, but tonight as I was looking around my dorm room and taking down all of the pictures of the 2 of us... my heart broke again. I seriously just lost the one guy that has ever TRULY loved me. But... I did what I had to do for myself... which is what everyone keeps saying was the right thing to do... but then why do I feel so crappy and so alone?

And then there is the whole school thing. It's so fun, yet so much work. I just don't know what to do about everything. I am getting way too upset over the stupidest things, yet to me they aren't stupid... idk... I just need a great big hug!!!!!!!!!! Maybe that would help!